It's a bug's life

I don't want it... YOU can have it! The past several weeks (it feels like YEARS) have been a fabulous game of pass the stomach bug within our family. I highly recommend it as a fun summer activity when it's just too hot and uncomfortable to do anything else! It started with Brandon throwing up a little, nothing too terrible, so we immediately got the Pedialyte going and with a little rest he seemed to come around pretty quickly. A little extra laundry, some spritzing of Lysol, and some carpet cleaning with my trusty Bissell Proheat 2x Healthy Home Microban Full Sized Carpet Cleaner and we were all good!

Woohoo! We're ON TOP OF THIS!

OR ARE WE?!?! Not so fast! Just as we turned the corner with Brandon, Andrew started his heaving, only his seemed to be a bit worse than Brandon's. And for added interest Andrew had his own, unique approach, adhering to no set pattern of illness. He'd eat a little something bland for breakfast (toast) and immediately bring it back up, but then he'd grab a piece of cold pizza out of the fridge for lunch and hold it down with no problem. The case of Gatorade (30) that AH bought last month at Costco (when all I'd asked for was a 32 oz. bottle) suddenly appeared to be an incredible stroke of lucky mis-communication between AH and myself. It took a while longer for Andrew to come around but again, with my trusty Bissell Proheat 2x Healthy Home Microban Full Sized Carpet Cleaner and a few extra loads of laundry we made it through!

OR DID WE?!?!?!

Queue Brandon's puking, AGAIN!!! Still not too severe so we continued with the Pedialyte, Lysol, extra laundry, and my trusty Bissell Proheat 2x Healthy Home Microban Full Sized Carpet Cleaner and he was good to go again in a couple of days.

Oh, and now ANDREW'S NOT DONE EITHER!

Poor kid had almost two whole days being vomit free before it came back, with a vengeance. After several days rest, with a large bowl by his side (to minimize the need for carpet cleaning, etc. {it didn't work}), Gatorade, Lysol, extra laundry, and my trusty Bissell Proheat 2x Healthy Home Microban Full Sized Carpet Cleaner, and he was back to normal.

BUT WAIT! Let's not leave Daddy out of the fun!!!

This past Saturday afternoon my stomach started it's rumblings, so I immediately put myself to bed, leaving AH in charge and hoping to head it off at the pass. No such luck and 36 hours of making love to the porcelain throne later, I thought the worst of it was "behind" me but noooooooo! My stomach would continue to rumble with me shuttling to the bathroom every 5 minutes for three more days. And since AH had a business meeting out of town on Monday, I got to enjoy the day with three adorable little Tornadoes asking "Why are you sick?" "When are you going to feel better?" "What's for lunch?" "Can we go in the pool?" and of course, the ever popular "I'm bored!!!"

I can happily share that as of this morning we all seem to be back to normal, or at least normal for us. I'm so grateful that Tracy and AH managed to avoid getting whatever this virus was, because five needy babies at once in one house would probably have made it really tough to appreciate all the fun. But hey, I do hope that they didn't feel left out, after all the more the merrier, right? Why leave anyone out of the party? JUST KIDDING!! Seriously though, if there's one thing I truly appreciate through all of this is the support of my loving AH. He is my knight in shining armor, the real deal! I love you sweetheart!!!

Now, back to the day to day stuff, which by comparison is a PIECE OF CAKE!!!!

Again, just kidding.

Negotiations & rewards

AH and I came up with a method of rewarding the boys with tokens (poker chips) for doing as they were supposed to do or what they were asked to do. They each had their own color so there could be no stealing/swapping and whoever had the most at the end of the week chose that week's fun activity. This worked for a little while, until they realized that they all were choosing the same activity and eventually one kid was working so hard for tokens that he always won, so the tokens lost their allure. So much for that!

The new and improved negotiations involve earning tokens to be exchanged for individual special privileges, such as I-Pad, TV, or pool time. They can earn tokens for listening, doing as their supposed to do, certain chores, and being helpful which can be exchanged one token for 15 minutes of whatever privilege they choose, for a maximum of 30 minutes at a time, with at least an hour between special privileges. Now they are scurrying around trying to find stuff to do to earn tokens, and dutifully playing or otherwise occupying themselves until it's time again to use a special privilege. If they run out of tokens then they have no special privileges until they earn more, and it will also cost them a token for fighting or arguing, talking back, or other offenses.

Suddenly they are being perfect angels! So far so good!

The Funnies

On September 29, 2013 I wrote on Facebook: "Today [AH] and I met and fell in love with three adorable little tornadoes! Our lives are forever changed. The adventure begins....!!!!" Ha! Little did we know! The nickname "The Three Tornadoes" stuck, and from the word go we were running to keep up! On our second visit with them I fractured a bone in my foot while chasing the three year old in the park (and re-fractured it twice in the months following). There were numerous meltdowns and it felt like we would need a small army to keep it together! But we forged ahead and the rewards have far exceeded the stress.

There have been so many cute, sweet, funny, loving moments that all of the work is far exceeded by the rewards we get in return. From the very beginning the boys have come up with stuff that made us want to laugh, sometimes even as we tried to discipline them. During a pillow fight one Saturday morning, Brandon started wailing and Andrew says "I hit him too hard because I'm too strong because I eat all my vegetables." Uh huh. Another day I was heating up some chicken nuggets for Brandon and he says he wants french fries. I told him we didn't have any and he ran to the 20 pound bag of potatoes and said "here they are!" The downside of AH's fresh cooking!

Morning music videos became a big hit early on (and motivation to have them ready for school on time) and the first one to catch their fancy was "What Does the Fox Say?"What Does the Fox Say? We were "Ding ding ding da ding ding dinging" for months, and the boys were just adorable dancing and singing together! Then came Boogie Shoes after I misunderstood Andrew to say "Boogie Shoes" when we were talking about shoes and later had to prove to him that there was such a song. Singing in the car is another experience, with Brandon grunting "Ooooo" very loudly at the appropriate moments while Bruno Mars' "Locked Out of Heaven" is playing, or me belting out "O Sole Mio" (albeit not as beautifully as Il Volo) instead of turning on the radio when the boys ask for "songs," causing a chorus of "no, not THAT song" from the back seat. Fine! LOL

There is so much more ahead of us and I sometimes can't believe that these three little creatures are ours! I'll be sharing more adventures in future blogs, and may even copy & paste my past kid-related facebook posts onto another page just to have it for posterity. The funnies continue to keep us entertained almost daily as more of their personalities have emerged, and every day it feels like I couldn't love them more.

Riding the rollercoaster

Because we adopted our three little boys out of the foster care system, we have always known and accepted that we were very likely in for a long rollercoaster ride, one that we couldn't get off and that we wouldn't necessarily want to, with the possible exception of that point where we've reached the top and there's no where to go but down!?!

The adoption on April 3rd was the top, the pinnacle, the absolute high point of our ride up to that point. During the 18 months prior to this day we experienced quite a ride as we got to know the boys and they got to know us. We knew some of their history when we were introduced to them, with more and more revealed as time went on and trust was built between us. At face value they were confused, sad, and depressed, but also a very resilient little tribe who were craving boundaries, stability, and love. As with many children in the foster care system, the horrors that they experienced were beyond what either AH and I could have imagined, and the lion's share of the abuse came while they were in the system, not from their biological parents.

The boys know now, of course, that they are deeply loved and wanted, but the residual damage is something that will take years for them to overcome, if ever. In addition to the traumas, all three suffer from severe ADHD which leaves them with almost no impulse control, so even if they WANT to do as they're supposed to it's nearly impossible for them to stop themselves when an impulse strikes. Consequently, taking things that don't belong to them, hitting, and lying are part of who they are, and with a great deal of effort we can curb some of these behaviours, but other times it seems to be out of all of our hands,

Since our glorious weekend that began with their adoption on April 3rd, the ride has once again been wild, with a few fun side turns. I could point to the fact that we had family visiting for a couple of weeks following the adoption as one reason for this, or that some kids at Andrew's school were being vicious and telling him that his biological parents didn't want him and that's why he was adopted, but I think that there is much more to our current ride. Our kids are again testing to be sure that we are fully committed to them, which serves to heighten their anxiety and, indirectly, their inability to make good decisions.

So we've been hurling down from the top of our ride on April 3rd, anticipating arriving at the bottom of the big drop any time now, and ready to begin again to enjoy some of the more fun twists and turns, ups and downs, and surprises of this rollercoaster ride. I just hope I don't loose my lunch in the process.

Little Casanova

When the boys arrived, our youngest was several months shy of his 4th birthday and way behind developmentally. Brandon spoke only a few words, was in diapers, and resisted eating solid food, instead existing for the most part on Pediasure. He was not affectionate and was very detached, treating us like we were there only to serve him and not listening to us at all. He acted as though it didn't matter where he was or who he was with, he just didn't care.

We began to address his speech deficits by requiring him to ask for certain things using a full sentence such as "may I have some milk, please?" He was very stubborn but we didn't give in and eventually he got with the program. We got him into speech therapy through the school district, placed him in a private pre-school, and enrolled him in the Kumon reading program. He's very smart, quickly picking things up and 16 months later he's a chatterbox with a growing vocabulary. His pre-school teacher cannot believe how far he's come, and we're pretty amazed as well.

With AH's great cooking and a lot of coaxing (and patience) we have conquered the solid food issue, even finding that Brandon tends to like spicy food. He wasn't on the growth charts when we got him, but he's now at 33% for his age group in both height and weight.

Potty training was something we waited to attempt until we'd established some trust, but when we did start in earnest it lasted only three weeks and boom! he was done! No accidents, no periods of regression, just done. He'll occasionally wet the bed, but it's usually due to getting liquids too late.

To address the attachment issues, I got us into a program called PCIT, or Parent Child Interactive Therapy. The program was very structured so even though a lot of it was stuff that AH and I practiced at home already, we had to go through all of the steps. In the end it proved very worthwhile and after six months of weekly sessions, we now have our charming, cuddly little love bug.

The discipline aspect has been more of a challenge. Brandon uses his charms to try to wiggle his way out of doing something, or to try to avoid being in trouble. We don't buy into his cute little act, but no matter how much we stress certain rules or how many times he's been in trouble for breaking them, nothing seems to deter him, yet. We have made progress in a number of areas, but we still have a long way to go with him.

Brandon is an absolute charmer, and just about everyone we encounter tells us how cute he is. He's a happy boy, very carefree and energetic with a huge, winning smile, We think he's pretty cute too, but not as cute as HE thinks he is! It's amazing to watch him work a room, and he's a TOTAL ladies' man! We're going to have to keep a close eye on our little Casanova, 'cause he's going to be T R O U B L E!

Mr. Sensitive

I remember when I was a kid we had these toys called "super balls" that bounced with extreme energy off of any hard surface. This perfectly describes how our middle child, Andrew, was when he and the other boys arrived. He was five and at times he literally could not sit still. I guess in an effort to calm his ADHD, his previous foster home kept asking to have his meds increased, until the poor kid was on two different medications, one of them was 10 mg of Adderall. There were other times when he was calm and pretty focused, so right away we began to question the treatment, if not the diagnosis. Within weeks of coming, we convinced his Psychiatrist to cut the Adderall in half, and a month later we got it eliminated altogether. Our feeling was that Andrew's hyperactivity was due to anxiety and adding a stimulant like Adderall was making matters worse. That anxiety was environmental, not due to any chemical imbalance, and he soon calmed down... SOME!

Andrew truly is Mr. Sensitive. He wants to please, to be liked, to be accepted, to be LOVED! This can only happen when there's trust, so we embarked on a course of firm, consistent boundaries along with plenty of reassurance and love. To say there weren't tough times would be an understatement. Andrew set the bar high when it came to testing us. He is the classic goofball, the class clown, and it's so true what they say about clowns, they paint on the face to hide the pain. He was destructive to our belongings, was in trouble at school from day one, and had almost constant encopresis (which he would often then smear on the walls, or hide). It would take months for Andrew to feel secure enough to talk to us, and even then it had to take a trauma of sorts to get him to open up. There were a few times that we wished we'd handled a given situation differently, but there's no time to dwell because there's something new to deal with right around the corner. Through all of it Andrew presented this huggy, lovey, clingy little boy who knew he'd done wrong, but hoped he'd be forgiven. So often I wanted to just reach in and fix it all right then and there, but this kind of damage doesn't happen overnight, so we had no choice but to love him. FIRMLY.

Today's Andrew is much more at ease. His personality has shown through and he's a joy to be around... most of the time. He still has issues to work out, and he is a seven year old boy after all, but we can envision a happy life for him, and that is all that we hope for!

I want my name to be "Tracy!"

We were pretty lucky that our boys are fairly sweet-spirited and were not displaying a lot of anger when they arrived, at least not outwardly. The eldest, Nathan, was pretty sullen and withdrawn though, and didn't miss a chance to challenge us. He was presented to us as a boy with an intellectual disability and had been pretty much discarded by the system. Both bio parents are intellectually disabled and he has a lazy eye (unrelated to any other issue) so he appeared to be a kid who's not quite with it and no one in foster system did anything to find out what his capabilities actually were. We knew right away that he was a lot more intelligent than given credit for, and thankfully when we enrolled him in our school district his new teacher recognized this as well.

We found out right away Nathan was a problem solver, though not in a particularly positive manner. One of his first tricks was to swap the door handles on the doors to his bedroom and the bathroom. He had asked for a locking handle on his door (he was SEVEN at the time) and we of course said "no." Not one to take "no" for an answer, he got up in the middle of the night and went into the garage, got a screw driver, and disassembled both handles and then REASSEMBLED them on the doors the way the he wanted them. Needless to say we put a new lock on the garage door that required a key on both sides! Another time we caught him stacking furniture in the bedroom with the attic access so he could open the panel, IN THE DARK!!!

He was also very obsessive, mostly over an odd collection of items, including the access panels to the attics, batteries, nightlights, fans, heat/air conditioning registers, and smoke detectors, but also had a strange preoccupation with death. He would randomly ask strangers if their dog/mother/friend/almost anyone had died. One of our neighbors was asked if his mother died and the poor guy's mother had actually recently passed away! Talk about awkward, so we took them a basket of coffee as a token of appreciation for the gracious way in which he handled Nathan and the situation.

One other oddity was his preoccupation with certain tattoos on my arm and AH's shoulder. He would show affection (kissing, sniffing, etc.) to the tattoos as a means of showing affection to us while hugs and eye contact were generally avoided. 

As we've worked with him to gain his trust through providing boundaries, structure, consistency, and love, his obsessive behaviors have diminished greatly and he has become a much happier child who is fairly easy to redirect. He can still make Eeyore seem like an optimist at times, but he is light years from where he was. He still steals and gets into stuff he's not supposed to, but to a much lesser degree, and he still shows affection to the tattoos although his affections are now more openly expressed.

His teacher has worked with him as well (and with us) to tap into his intellect that had to that point been sadly overlooked. When he came to us he had no academic baseline and was in a classroom for the severely disabled, in a poorly performing school, in a poorly performing school district, in a state ranked 42nd in education. He was in second grade and had no skills and no motivation to learn. His new teacher challenged him academically, engaged his social skills, and demanded presence and participation. We chose to keep him with this same teacher through his third grade year since she taught 1st - 3rd grade special needs kids and he was doing so well. We also enrolled him last year in the Kumon reading program to supplement what he was getting in the classroom. One other resource we took advantage of was having him see a renowned Neurologist which was paid for through AH's medical insurance. Diagnosis: Moderate Autism with developmental delays likely caused by his environment. All genetic testing came back normal! Armed with all of this, we were recently successful in arguing our case to have him moved to a higher functioning classroom environment next year which will be at our home school with the other two boys.

As the improvements in his sense of security developed, he began discarding his first name in favor of "Nate," and eventually settled on "Tracy." We can only surmise that "Nathan" (and "Nate") were too closely associated with his past and that he was seeking to distinguish this new life from his old life. We have no clue where the name "Tracy" came from, and he can't tell us how it came to be, but he has insisted on using the name for nearly a year now so when the adoption was finalized we changed not only his last name, but gave him "Tracy" for a middle name.

So Tracy it is, and all we want for him to be is the best "Tracy" he can be. We're overjoyed at his progress and boy that he is becoming!