Riding the rollercoaster

Because we adopted our three little boys out of the foster care system, we have always known and accepted that we were very likely in for a long rollercoaster ride, one that we couldn't get off and that we wouldn't necessarily want to, with the possible exception of that point where we've reached the top and there's no where to go but down!?!

The adoption on April 3rd was the top, the pinnacle, the absolute high point of our ride up to that point. During the 18 months prior to this day we experienced quite a ride as we got to know the boys and they got to know us. We knew some of their history when we were introduced to them, with more and more revealed as time went on and trust was built between us. At face value they were confused, sad, and depressed, but also a very resilient little tribe who were craving boundaries, stability, and love. As with many children in the foster care system, the horrors that they experienced were beyond what either AH and I could have imagined, and the lion's share of the abuse came while they were in the system, not from their biological parents.

The boys know now, of course, that they are deeply loved and wanted, but the residual damage is something that will take years for them to overcome, if ever. In addition to the traumas, all three suffer from severe ADHD which leaves them with almost no impulse control, so even if they WANT to do as they're supposed to it's nearly impossible for them to stop themselves when an impulse strikes. Consequently, taking things that don't belong to them, hitting, and lying are part of who they are, and with a great deal of effort we can curb some of these behaviours, but other times it seems to be out of all of our hands,

Since our glorious weekend that began with their adoption on April 3rd, the ride has once again been wild, with a few fun side turns. I could point to the fact that we had family visiting for a couple of weeks following the adoption as one reason for this, or that some kids at Andrew's school were being vicious and telling him that his biological parents didn't want him and that's why he was adopted, but I think that there is much more to our current ride. Our kids are again testing to be sure that we are fully committed to them, which serves to heighten their anxiety and, indirectly, their inability to make good decisions.

So we've been hurling down from the top of our ride on April 3rd, anticipating arriving at the bottom of the big drop any time now, and ready to begin again to enjoy some of the more fun twists and turns, ups and downs, and surprises of this rollercoaster ride. I just hope I don't loose my lunch in the process.