Fast Forward

Wow, I stumbled upon this blog after almost forgetting it's existence! My last post was in January 2016. I remember thinking it would be fun to follow the boys' daily adventures through this blog but life quickly presented many, many priorities that left blogging in the background.

We have since had an amazing adventure guiding and watching our boys achieve many great milestones in their lives. Tracy has blossomed into a snarky, engaging teenager who everyone loves and is finding his own identity. Andrew has grown into Andre the Giant, weighing in at 244 pounds and 5'11 at 14 years old and is in full-on teenager mode, though he's the same sweetheart of a kid he's always been, And Brandon, dear Brandon, continues to embrace his "cuteness" to try to get away with everything. The boys are smart, happy, and secure (mostly) and that's as much as we could hope for.

After 24 years in Sacramento (22 for JT) we decided to pick up stakes and return to my home state of Connecticut. As it happens, it was JT who pushed for the move to the east coast to be in the same time zone as most of his employees and make him more visible in the company he works for, headquartered in Windsor Locks CT. We looked at schools for the boys, property values, and conditions in California among many factors. Since COVID has made JT a permanent work from home employee, the condition I presented for a move to the east coast was to be close to my 88 year old Dad, since my Step-Mom had been in a nursing home for the last six months and he was languishing. The official move date for the family was June 1st 2022 with myself arriving in advance of the rest by a few weeks, and my Dad was convinced to move in with us a few weeks later.

The boys' response to the relocation was mixed since they are all Sacramento natives and mostly only remember our house as home. Friends were at stake and after some long heartfelt talks they hesitantly came on board, The move itself was a huge undertaking, much more work than I ever anticipated and 7 weeks later we seem to be hitting a rhythm. The boys have been troupers, with Tracy entertaining my Dad endlessly (which has been good for both of them), Andrew spends a lot of his time online communicating with his "not a girlfriend" back in California, and Brandon has become fast friends with two brothers around his age who live across the street. JT is basking in the increased corporate visibly with the home office, and I'm just flying by the seat of my pants.

We truly miss our friends in California, but we're also embracing our new adventures here in Connecticut! Life is change, and we're so in love with our home and the people we've met along the way that this couldn't be anything but the right move for us.

The Caregivers

On Friday I woke up with the culmination of 3 days of coughing and sniffling, a full-on 101.1 degree fever and pounding headache. The kids could tell I wasn't feeling well and managed to get themselves ready for school on time and with relatively little fuss. I was thankful I didn't have the usual cajoling and last minute "I can't find my shoes!" to deal with so I told the boys how happy and proud I was that they took care of themselves.

I dropped them off, came home, took a couple Ibuprofen and headed to bed for some much needed sleep. 45 minutes later the school nurse called because Andrew was wailing and inconsolable, insisting he was missing his Daddy and wanted me to come get him. My heart melted. She put him on the phone and I tried to help him understand that everything was ok and he needed to stay in class and I would see him after school. I went so far as to tell him there would be no "sleep-over" (something that has become a bit of a ritual for Friday nights around here) if he chose to come home.

I got back on with the nurse and it was decided that I'd come pick him up. I arrived at the school 10 minutes later and the nurse said she'd sent him to get his backpack and jacket (it was pouring rain). I waited 10 minutes before asking the nurse to call his classroom and see what was up. Apparently when he got back to class the teacher thought he was there to stay, gave him a little stuffed toy, and told him that Daddy would be fine so Andrew decided to stay at school. I was relieved that I could potentially get a few hours sleep before having to come back to get them.

AH was also concerned enough that he decided to arrange to leave work early and called me to say he'd pick the kids up after school, allowing me the whole day to sleep. When they all got home the boys came straight upstairs to check on me and give me kisses, asking if I was alright. Once they were sure I was ok they went back downstairs and I got back to sleep.

I wasn't hungry for supper so I stayed in bed and AH brought me some oatmeal to be sure I had something in my stomach. Before going to bed the kids all came in for kisses and to say good night and that they hoped I'd feel better tomorrow.

At 5:45 this morning (Saturday) our little Brandon appeared at my bedside telling me that he was here to take care of me. I let him climb in between AH & I, and he proceeded to climb under the blankets and hog the pillow. He then began alternately patting me on the head and kissing my cheek, saying "feel better, Daddy" every few minutes. I knew I wouldn't be getting back to sleep, but I couldn't interrupt all the good care I was getting. About 15 minutes later AH woke up and realized that we had company and proceeded to take Brandon downstairs so I could sleep a little more. When I came downstairs about 8 o'clock I was greeted by three little concerned faces and a chorus of "how are you feeling, Daddy?"

With all of the love and care I get from all of my guys, how could I feel anything except wonderful? I know that taking care of them, especially when they're hurt or sick, as well as AH (who is now napping) has given them an example of what it is to be a caregiver, the genuine concern and empathy that they've begun to show fills my heart beyond measure. Our three little tornadoes are growing into very sweet, caring little boys and we couldn't be more proud!

The Christmas Ornament

Several years ago, before we seriously discussed having kids, AH and I purchased a highly collectible Christmas ornament that held deep sentimental value for us both, representing our 10th anniversary. Over the years we've collected hundreds of unique, fun, and special ornaments for our tree(s) (AH says I need a 12 step program) but never had we spent anywhere near the couple hundred dollars we did for this one. It is irreplaceable.

Then came the boys, so we tucked the ornament away in the safety of our closet for the past two Christmases for fear of losing it to a mishap at the hands of our little Tornados. They would not have known what the ornament meant to us and honestly wouldn't have cared.

This year the ornament has been brought back out, proudly displayed on our living room tree along with other treasured ornaments including some from my parents and grandparents' trees.

Our boys are not any less rambunctious than they've ever been, in fact our house feels more chaotic than ever. The difference is the boys have begun displaying more caring, compassion, and even generosity in the past several months. They are fully connected, sincere, loving, and more worthy of our trust every single day. So we've loosened the reins and they have risen, for the most part, to our expectations. They are now mostly "just boys," as opposed to the "feral children" we brought home just before Christmas two years ago.

They understand and value each other, us, and people in general. This year I bought an assortment of holiday trinkets for them to put in gift bags for their classmates. We all sat down in the family room with the goodies sorted into piles and had a grand time assembling the gifts. They were SO EXCITED to be giving gifts to their friends, and just too cute as they handed them out on the last day before the holiday break.

So this year we decided it was time to bring the ornament back to the tree where it belongs.

There is certainly a possibility that it will be broken, if not this year then in the years to come. But of greater value to us now is having our children understand, value, and empathize with other people. We see them showing compassion, sharing sorrows and joy, and being connected to those around them.

Yes, the Christmas ornament is just a material thing, but if the ornament were to break they would understand the feeling of loss that AH and I would have, but more importantly they would CARE.

School challenges - are we engaged?

I must rant a bit about how the start to this school year has been so not what we expected, and how our education system is being backed into a corner by a society with great demands but little involvement.

Having endured two years of trying to keep Andrew (no diagnosed special needs) from being kicked out of school for behavior problems (kindergarten and first grade, mind you) we introduced Brandon and Tracy to the school (our home school) this year. Brandon came from a year in a private  pre-school program and Tracy transferred in from a special day class for severely disabled at another school in our district (requiring that he be bused) and where we were required to place him when we got him due to a misdiagnosis of Intellectual Disability. I was dreading the start of school, expecting trouble, times three, but Andrew has completely turned around and has become a superstar in his class. He's happier and more confident since the adoption was finalized in April, the proper medication levels were achieved, and the three week cross country trip we took to introduce them to family back east over the summer. Brandon wobbled into kindergarten but has been improving as we've found the right medication and dosage for his ADHD meds. Tracy seemed to LOVE his new school, and all seemed right with his world. Adoption, trip, meds, love, and good boundaries have given all of them the confidence and security they so desperately needed. Ahhhh, exhale!

Not so fast!!! Last night JT​ and I sent a letter to the Principal at the boys' school insisting that Tracy be accommodated immediately in another classroom, and this morning I'm happy to report that he's been moved.

At the end of last school year we fought to have Tracy placed at our school into a higher functioning classroom in order to challenge his obvious academic abilities. The problem with this, we discovered, is that with higher functioning came kids with emotional disabilities commingled with kids with slight learning disabilities, high functioning autism, etc. For the first few weeks Tracy seemed happy, though the lack of communication from his teacher (including NO homework) raised some red flags. I was made aware of an incident where one kid (HUGE for a boy 10 years old) had had a violent outburst that included him throwing furniture and slightly striking Tracy (and scaring the crap out of him). But Tracy wasn't deterred and I was assured that this kid was on the school's radar and would be dealt with, although certain procedures and steps had to be followed since he was considered special needs.

When I attended the school's "Jog-a-thon" in September I met Tracy's classmates (12 boys, including Mr. Violent, and 1 girl) and red flags started really going off. There were 4 or 5 really troubled kids swearing, challenging each other, disrespecting the teacher and the teacher's aide, and generally presenting themselves as thugs. I immediately made arrangements with the teacher to spend time in the classroom (the school had asked that parents wait several weeks before coming into classes to allow teachers time to establish their routines and authority). What I observed gave me chills. The class was stereotypically in chaos, with kids throwing things, calling each other out, and disrespecting the teacher. JT and I immediately requested a meeting with the Principal and asked that Tracy be moved. The teacher attended the meeting, we went over our concerns, and after hearing what the Principal and Teacher had to say we agreed to give them a month to make some changes and deal with the troublemakers.

I committed to spending time in Tracy's classroom on Monday and Friday mornings  I (also spend time volunteering in the other boys' classrooms) and frankly did not see a lot of improvement in the first couple of weeks, although things were a bit more subdued when Mr. Violent was absent. Some of the other boys who were prone to acting out were initially very resistant to my trying to help them with their work, but I was able to break through with a couple and I hoped my presence would provide some positives for the class. Two weeks down, two to go.

A new wrinkle appeared this week when we learned that the lone girl in Tracy's class "liked" him and they were seen kissing and touching inappropriately at lunch (and being egged on by the other kids), and having seen little improvement addressing our concerns the past few weeks we considered moving him. Yesterday, before we'd made a decision, another uncontolled outburst from Mr. Violent resulted in one of Tracy's classmates being hit in the face (requiring ice at the office) and the class erupting into anarchy. That was enough for us and we demanded that Tracy be moved.

The really sad part of all of this is that this doesn't address or begin to solve the problems that exist in that classroom, and many others like it. All kids are legally entitled to an education, even the troubled kids, and the school must find a way to accommodate them. JT and I asked ourselves "what if the violent kid was our kid?" and didn't have a good answer as to what we would do. The school's hands are tied to an extent because our special needs kids are legally entitled to a public school education just like everyone else.

The larger issues, however, seem to be the lack of parent involvement, and society's unwillingness to face and deal with the needs of kids/people with disabilities. When the new principal was introduced to the school last spring, we were one of only THREE families who attended the evening meeting. We are in a school of 800+ students and there were only three families present!!! We live in a middle class district and there are many parents with crazy work schedules, and single parents of course, but only three families? And what about our society as a whole? We as a society have to decide, and hopefully soon, that our children are our top priority and their education is vital to their success, and society's collective success. We can't just ship our kids off to school and say "educate them." They are OUR children, all of ours, and at the very least we must participate in their education and, ideally, advocate for them. They are our future.

It's a bug's life

I don't want it... YOU can have it! The past several weeks (it feels like YEARS) have been a fabulous game of pass the stomach bug within our family. I highly recommend it as a fun summer activity when it's just too hot and uncomfortable to do anything else! It started with Brandon throwing up a little, nothing too terrible, so we immediately got the Pedialyte going and with a little rest he seemed to come around pretty quickly. A little extra laundry, some spritzing of Lysol, and some carpet cleaning with my trusty Bissell Proheat 2x Healthy Home Microban Full Sized Carpet Cleaner and we were all good!

Woohoo! We're ON TOP OF THIS!

OR ARE WE?!?! Not so fast! Just as we turned the corner with Brandon, Andrew started his heaving, only his seemed to be a bit worse than Brandon's. And for added interest Andrew had his own, unique approach, adhering to no set pattern of illness. He'd eat a little something bland for breakfast (toast) and immediately bring it back up, but then he'd grab a piece of cold pizza out of the fridge for lunch and hold it down with no problem. The case of Gatorade (30) that AH bought last month at Costco (when all I'd asked for was a 32 oz. bottle) suddenly appeared to be an incredible stroke of lucky mis-communication between AH and myself. It took a while longer for Andrew to come around but again, with my trusty Bissell Proheat 2x Healthy Home Microban Full Sized Carpet Cleaner and a few extra loads of laundry we made it through!

OR DID WE?!?!?!

Queue Brandon's puking, AGAIN!!! Still not too severe so we continued with the Pedialyte, Lysol, extra laundry, and my trusty Bissell Proheat 2x Healthy Home Microban Full Sized Carpet Cleaner and he was good to go again in a couple of days.

Oh, and now ANDREW'S NOT DONE EITHER!

Poor kid had almost two whole days being vomit free before it came back, with a vengeance. After several days rest, with a large bowl by his side (to minimize the need for carpet cleaning, etc. {it didn't work}), Gatorade, Lysol, extra laundry, and my trusty Bissell Proheat 2x Healthy Home Microban Full Sized Carpet Cleaner, and he was back to normal.

BUT WAIT! Let's not leave Daddy out of the fun!!!

This past Saturday afternoon my stomach started it's rumblings, so I immediately put myself to bed, leaving AH in charge and hoping to head it off at the pass. No such luck and 36 hours of making love to the porcelain throne later, I thought the worst of it was "behind" me but noooooooo! My stomach would continue to rumble with me shuttling to the bathroom every 5 minutes for three more days. And since AH had a business meeting out of town on Monday, I got to enjoy the day with three adorable little Tornadoes asking "Why are you sick?" "When are you going to feel better?" "What's for lunch?" "Can we go in the pool?" and of course, the ever popular "I'm bored!!!"

I can happily share that as of this morning we all seem to be back to normal, or at least normal for us. I'm so grateful that Tracy and AH managed to avoid getting whatever this virus was, because five needy babies at once in one house would probably have made it really tough to appreciate all the fun. But hey, I do hope that they didn't feel left out, after all the more the merrier, right? Why leave anyone out of the party? JUST KIDDING!! Seriously though, if there's one thing I truly appreciate through all of this is the support of my loving AH. He is my knight in shining armor, the real deal! I love you sweetheart!!!

Now, back to the day to day stuff, which by comparison is a PIECE OF CAKE!!!!

Again, just kidding.

Negotiations & rewards

AH and I came up with a method of rewarding the boys with tokens (poker chips) for doing as they were supposed to do or what they were asked to do. They each had their own color so there could be no stealing/swapping and whoever had the most at the end of the week chose that week's fun activity. This worked for a little while, until they realized that they all were choosing the same activity and eventually one kid was working so hard for tokens that he always won, so the tokens lost their allure. So much for that!

The new and improved negotiations involve earning tokens to be exchanged for individual special privileges, such as I-Pad, TV, or pool time. They can earn tokens for listening, doing as their supposed to do, certain chores, and being helpful which can be exchanged one token for 15 minutes of whatever privilege they choose, for a maximum of 30 minutes at a time, with at least an hour between special privileges. Now they are scurrying around trying to find stuff to do to earn tokens, and dutifully playing or otherwise occupying themselves until it's time again to use a special privilege. If they run out of tokens then they have no special privileges until they earn more, and it will also cost them a token for fighting or arguing, talking back, or other offenses.

Suddenly they are being perfect angels! So far so good!

The Funnies

On September 29, 2013 I wrote on Facebook: "Today [AH] and I met and fell in love with three adorable little tornadoes! Our lives are forever changed. The adventure begins....!!!!" Ha! Little did we know! The nickname "The Three Tornadoes" stuck, and from the word go we were running to keep up! On our second visit with them I fractured a bone in my foot while chasing the three year old in the park (and re-fractured it twice in the months following). There were numerous meltdowns and it felt like we would need a small army to keep it together! But we forged ahead and the rewards have far exceeded the stress.

There have been so many cute, sweet, funny, loving moments that all of the work is far exceeded by the rewards we get in return. From the very beginning the boys have come up with stuff that made us want to laugh, sometimes even as we tried to discipline them. During a pillow fight one Saturday morning, Brandon started wailing and Andrew says "I hit him too hard because I'm too strong because I eat all my vegetables." Uh huh. Another day I was heating up some chicken nuggets for Brandon and he says he wants french fries. I told him we didn't have any and he ran to the 20 pound bag of potatoes and said "here they are!" The downside of AH's fresh cooking!

Morning music videos became a big hit early on (and motivation to have them ready for school on time) and the first one to catch their fancy was "What Does the Fox Say?"What Does the Fox Say? We were "Ding ding ding da ding ding dinging" for months, and the boys were just adorable dancing and singing together! Then came Boogie Shoes after I misunderstood Andrew to say "Boogie Shoes" when we were talking about shoes and later had to prove to him that there was such a song. Singing in the car is another experience, with Brandon grunting "Ooooo" very loudly at the appropriate moments while Bruno Mars' "Locked Out of Heaven" is playing, or me belting out "O Sole Mio" (albeit not as beautifully as Il Volo) instead of turning on the radio when the boys ask for "songs," causing a chorus of "no, not THAT song" from the back seat. Fine! LOL

There is so much more ahead of us and I sometimes can't believe that these three little creatures are ours! I'll be sharing more adventures in future blogs, and may even copy & paste my past kid-related facebook posts onto another page just to have it for posterity. The funnies continue to keep us entertained almost daily as more of their personalities have emerged, and every day it feels like I couldn't love them more.